Live today like there is no tomorrow!

Laid off-a letter to Michael

2011-08-29T19:53:00.000-07:00

Dear little brother Michael...youve been on your mission in Argentina for over a year now. I miss you so much...and am sooo proud of you! Ive had soo many siblings leave on missions and go away for two years of my life and honestly im kinda sick of it! Its sad to say but i am kinda hoping Eliza & Rachel get married and done go any where! lol we shall see!
So whats been up with me?? Lets chat about the kids...cause of course theyre always on my mind...
Right now its 8pm on Monday night and the kids have a strict bedtime of 8pm every night...but today i was totally over seeing their faces...haha so they both were put to bed at 730pm....as a mother...i get to chose that. love it.
Zane is totally walking all over...never crawls at all. He has been laughing a lot but like a man...its like he actually knows when to laugh at stuff, when its funny. I love it. Tim just cut his hair cause when we take him to get it cut he always moves around too much so Tim did it...it turned out cute! Zane is totally a baby now, he just wants to hang out with Tim and I constantly...he wants to be held and cuddled. its cute...but can be annoying since i have two kids and cant just sit around and keep zane happy...
Skyler just this week starting walking, she is slow and walks funny (cause she crawls funny...with her right leg bent dragging it across the floor and pulling herself forward with her arm...yeah hard to explain...but basically i tell people its her handicap crawl...lol) Sky is getting some "balls" when it comes to sticking up for herself! lol, she will go over and steal stuff from Zane when before she would just always try to stay out of his way. She has some "Justin Bieber" hair! Its so cute and i havent even cut it at all...its like a cute little bob...(if you even know what that is...or who Justin Bieber is...google it..haha) Sky has become totally independent...She will sit and play by herself and love to play in her bed all alone...she will wake up from her nap and i wont even know she is awake cause she will just roll around in her blankets and talk to herself, its so cute! She looooves Yo Gabba Gabba (google it...its a super annoying toddler show) she will...no joke...it there and watch it for hours...its cute.
Im soooo lucky to have them both here...at the same time. I dont feel like theyre twins...i feel like theyre siblings, like as if i was either going to get them at the same time as a set of twins or have Zane first then get pregnant with a girl and have it be Sky, i love to compare personalities and just love on them. I love being a mom, its the best thing in the entire world.
Tim and I have been doing ok...Our life basically consists of working out, eating and playing with the kids...we dont do much. We trade kids with one of my friends every other weekend...she watches the twins on sat night so Tim and i can have a date night and we watch her kids on Fri night so she has a date night...its an amazing set up and so nice to have some adult time with just Tim and I.
Tim has had it rough the past couple weeks....He was sooo super excited to buy a new car...a WRX Subaru, he put the money down on the car on the Aug 8th and the dealership had to detail it and said it was a done deal and we could pick it up on the 11th...it was blue and was super charged, nice wheels, system, everything in the motor had been changed to make it that much faster...he was sooo excited...He was working for Mountain States Drapery (and has been on and off for the past 3 years...and loved it) he was working with Jerry Priest...The owners are old and the possibility of him taking over one day was their...Its a small company and Tim and Jerry are the only two employees except the owners... But without even any notice on Aug 10th Tim was laid off...Apparently all the bits and jobs that they were getting and hoping to get backed out and they didnt have enough work to keep paying Tim....Tim bought the 8th (but we couldnt pick it up until the 11th)...and He got laid off on the 10th! Thank gooooodness we didnt pick up the car before he got laid off! We were able to get our down payment back without a problem and we didnt have a new car! what a blessing, its better we keep our civic even though Tim hates it.
I could tell Tim was really down and felt horrible because of it...He has never been laid off and since our family totally depends on his income i could tell it stressed him out...So we quickly filed for all the goverment assisance programs, like food stamps and free health insurance and unemployment...The same day he was laid off we where online looking for jobs...He applied for this "Mechanics Dream Job" restoring classic muscle cars...He got a call back the next day and had an interview on Monday...He got the job!!! :) Even though it was far from our house in Scottsdale, it was a job! BUT it was better pay and it was doing something he really enjoyed doing! He started that Thursday...Every night when he got home he showed me picture after picture on his phone of the amazing classic cars he had worked on all day, he loved it! The next Friday (so he had worked only 7 days at this company) Tim and all the other employees where called into the office one by one and were each individually told they were laying everyone off!!!!!! OMG ru kidding me, is this some kind of sick joke...really?!!?? (thats what u was thinking when he called me)...yup...so Tim worked at this "dream job" for 7 days and was laid off for the second time in 3 weeks! I feel more nervous the second time then i did with the first lay off...I know Tim isnt lazy and will do whatever he needs to do to provide for this family but i want him to be happy and enjoy what he does...
So we are back to redoing his resume and applying everywhere!!! It honestly just totally sucks. Im trying to stay positive...thinking..is this a lesson we need to learn...to be humbled...to know that Heavenly Father is totally in control of everything...i dont know the reason but i know we will survive...if we can live through the worst time in our life losing our first born son and daughter i know this will be easy overcome...but in the moment. right this second...it freakin sucks!
I love you Michael, i cant wait to give you a bug hug and have you finally meet your niece and nephew.
Love ya! Eve

Every day Sky and I wear a Chic Headband...to the gym (day care for Sky, the store, around the house...basically everywhere! But lately ive been wearing my favorite headband...Brittany.

Titus & Blake turn TWO!

2011-08-09T17:18:00.000-07:00

My first born son Titus wouldve turned two on 8/6 and my first born daughter Blake wouldve turned two on 8/9. Even though it has been 2 years since the day they were born and passed away...i can remember every single detail about that week. Especially this past week i cant get them off my mind...
This year i wasnt as emotional as i was last year, i think the pain and ache for them will never go away, but i think it will get easier to deal with.
Now that i have 1 year old twins, its so hard knowing that i dont get to raise Blake & Titus...it hurts to know that i only had less then an hour with each of them while they were still alive. It still hurts so much, but with Zane and Sky here i know that they carry with them a part of their older sibling in them!
Ive never posted a picture of Titus & Blake, but i think im finally ready....

Family pictures & the twins are ONE!

2011-07-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

We had family pictures taken in May (the twins are 10months old)...It was a blast and got soo many cute pictures!

The twins modeling on my new chair i painted black and recovered with demask fabric! Love it!

Chic Headbands! Twins are ONE (tomorrow)!

2011-07-01T16:55:00.000-07:00

I finally decided to make a blog for my Chic Headbands business! Check it out!

www.chicheadbands.blogspot.com

Thanks!!
Eve

The twins will be ONE tomorrow! Here are some pictures from a year ago-now (when i was 8months prego and 205lbs & just wanted to meet these two cuties!!! & now, the kids are crawling all over and ALMOST walking...and im down to 130lbs & happily skinny once again!)...
Ready to pop any day now in the prego pics...one year ago tomorrow...my babies were soo perfect & my tiny little babies, it still blows my mind sometimes that i have 2 kids!! I am so blessed to have one of each.

9 months old

2011-04-01T17:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, where has the time gone with my two kiddos?!
9 months old!
I really cant say i wish they were still babies...cause that was the hardest time of my entire life! I am sooo happy Zane is finally mobile...well army crawling as of 3 weeks ago...and Sky can actually be left alone to just "play" with toys finally without screaming her head off cause i left her side!
The twins are sleep trained and on a schedule!! I feel like such a successful mom, really...if youve done it you know what i mean! I totally trained them! Its a nice thought to be in control again...after having the twins run my life for the last 8 months...waking up every other hour to feed and sleeping randomly and of course never at the same time! huh!
Soooo, i did the "cry it out" thing...any any mom that doesnt do it and rocks there kids to sleep every single freakin time they need to fall asleep is honestly crazy! and id just like to rub it in your face that i sleep 8-10hrs sometimes and i am A TOTALLY different women now that i sleep! So i was suppper nervous about letting the kids go w/o food all night... i was worried about the whole crying thing cause ive always let them "cry them selves" to sleep when i laid them down at night...but would always just go grab them when they woke up and starting crying throughout the night and just feed them and lay them down and let them cry them selves back to sleep again... so the main thing i was worried about was just cutting them off cold turkey and having them be STARVING all night long cause they are soo used to eating every couple hrs... BUT i stuck to my guns and did it!! it took TWO long, sleepless, DOUBLE the crying nights full of no sleep, but it worked! my rule was...i lay them down at 8pm...NO LATER!!! and if they wake up during the night i let them cry back to sleep...but if they wake up past 5am...even if they woke up at 450am i would still wait to see if theyd fall back asleep in 10 mins before 5am...(and most of the time they did...) so if they woke past 5am i would feed them a 4oz bottle and put them back into bed. my other rule is that we dont get out of bed until. they can play in their crib, cry, or wake up play then take a cat nap until its 8am. but i am not going to let them form a habit of waking up whenever they want and i have to get up...nope. so i start the habits now :) it works ladies. so do it. i am so much happier now and i actually enjoy my time with my kids now...instead of constantly thinking...when will i get my next nap!
ok, scheduling nap time for me took some time... but after just paying attention and writing it down for about a week for when they twins would "round about" fall asleep through out the day, i just set my own time between that round about time... so now this is our daily schedule and its been going great for a little over a month! they wake up at 8am i feed them, 930am go to the gym, 1030 home from the gym, nap at 11am, then i get my craft on...or sleep...clean..whatever i want! :) they normally sleep until about 1-130ish... then we play for a couple hrs, and then they go back down for a nap at 4pm & sleep until 530ish, tim get home from work then we go to the gym at 7pm and get home and put the kids to bed at 8pm. thats my day! and i freakin love having a schedule!
I am blessed at this point in my life...the only time ive never needed coaching from a fitness person i trust to give me advise and help me through this process of become the person i want to be again...the neighbors that just moved in about 4 months ago at body builders...yup :) its amazing. they are the nicest people ever, michelle (the wife) is a stay at home mom and also a full time body builder along with her husband! We have become great friends and she is helping me get into shape again! she has given me a meal plan and tells me how and what to work out...needless to say i am soaking up every second of it and loving it!!! this is a priceless friendship!
I have never hated my body before...until after i delivered these kids! O m freakin g. they totally stretched my tummy out...! and i gained so much weight... when i delivered the twins i was 204, i now weigh 133! yeah ya!
I have been working hard since the twins turned 3 months old. I done several different things to cut the weight...like cutting out all sugars for 1 1/2 months then counting calories (which i love doing!!) doing 1200 cal a day...while eating every 2 hrs. i now doing a high protein diet for 8weeks to shred the fat. eating only chicken, asparagus, yams, 2 cans of tuna with only mustard or mrs dash, 6 egg whites and regular oatmeal with sugar free honey or splenda, 10 almonds a day, protein shakes & a green apple. yup thats it for the 1st 4 weeks....now that im done with those 4 weeks im moving onto the next phase and now im eating fish in substitute for the tuna and chicken having fish 3x a day, cutting out the yams, and having 1 cup brown rice split between 1st and second fish, plain rice cakes...i get ONE cheat "meal" a week...yeah i dont even get a whole day...i just switch out one of my fish meals on saturdays for something else...thats healthy but not in my current meal plan to throw off my body...like a subway sandwich or something like that... i LOVE structure so this meal plan works perfect for me! and NO i have NOT cheated or given in AT ALL in 4 weeks! yup, i stick to the same freakin food every single day...its easy not to cheat when you see results. i am losing so much weight, so how can i justify eating that cookie or that dr pepper that i crave? when ill just be taking steps backwards? thats what makes it easy to stay on track. i refuse to be "that mom" when their kids are like 2 and they are still looking like they are pregnant or keep saying how they have "baby weight" to lose. my husband deserves to have the eve he married back and i deserve to be happy...and sexy/buff/skinny/can fit into all my jeans, tight shirts w/o my tummy sticking out at all= a happy eve :)
i work out twice a day 5 times a week. yup, i know crazy huh! but ITS WORKING! i do cardio in the morning for an hour and at night i lift with Tim.

switching gears...
we want to move to either gilbert or glendale...not sure which one yet...our house is on the market for rent...we just built a wall and turned the loft into the 4th bedroom... we shall see what happens...either way our kids WILL be raised in Gilbert/Mesa area and be surrounded by LDS people their entire lifes...but until they start school im open to living in the west valley...we will see!

zane has 6 teeth, and is the happiest baby ever. i can put a ball on the floor and hell just push it around for hrs and play with it. he is such a happy baby.
sky has 1 tooth. haha, the 2nd one hasnt even popped up yet at all...weird. she is just now getting over this "needy" phase...thank goodness cause it was DRIVING ME CRAZY! she is so beautiful and i am so thankful i was blessed with one of each...cause tim and i are thinking we are DONE!

peace out!
gotta go!

7 months old!

2011-02-01T08:47:00.000-08:00

The twins are growing up soo fast and i am loving it! I cant wait for them to start moving around on their own! Here are a couple things about each of my babies!

-Zane-
1 has two teeth!
2 can say DADA!
3 laughs ALL the time...and loud!
4 sleeps on his tummy now
5 will fall asleep in his jumper while jumping himself to sleep
6 can sit up on his own
7 is my little stud man and is such a sweetheart to his mom, always giving me hugs, he is my little cuddle bug!

-Sky-
1 Smiles with her entire mouth open!
2 can sit up longer then Zane can any day!
3 no teeth yet
4 only laughs when its REALLY funny, she doesnt do it too often
5 will lift her arms up and make noises like 'huh huh' wanting me to pick her up...little brat!
6 notices when im eating a banana and will cry until i give her some!
7 she will watch me very carefully if she is playing with toys or in her jumper to see if i try to leave the room...and if i do she will start to cry
8 is very sensitive, if there is a loud noise or anything she will start to cry. Also, i have to nurse her alone away from everyone cause she refuses to nurse while there is a conversation going on!
9 is so dang cute and tiny and i love her to pieces!

The twins at the 7 month appointment.
Zane is 26 inches long and weighs 17 1/2lbs! in the 25%
Sky is 24 inches long & weighs 13 1/2 lbs! in the 5% (haha)
(*sorry about the pictures being cut off, i have to fix it...)

Sky is such a happy girl!!

Zane LOVES this green toothbrush! Its so cute!

Zane just adores his dad, he even says DADA now!

Like father like son :)

My busy life! My arms are super strong now!

Lol, i had to take a picture, I dont know how many time this has happened! Sky will be crying in her carseat in the car and ill think she is just being a brat...little do i know her dang headband is in her eyes! Oh well! Sorry, girl i refuse to let you out of the house without one!

Sky learned how to sit up on her own but sometimes falls forward! Here are the two times that when she fell it actually left a mark! Poor thing!

This time auntie Zina was watching the twins and Sky fell!

First time Sky sat in a buster chair! She loved it! Look at those beautiful blue sky eyes!

This is the naked truth of being zane`s mother! EVERY single time this kid eats i can guarantee he will throw some of it up! So i caught it by accident and am soo glad i did!

No more carrying those dang car seats around any longer! The twins will not have it! This is the first time i stuck them in a shopping cart! They loved it!

At 6 months old Zane got his first two teeth! I had no idea they where even coming in, he was such a happy baby! Thank goodness!

Twins baby blessing`s

2010-12-08T17:51:00.000-08:00

Here is the first and second half of this pic, i couldnt make it all fit.

We FINALLY blessed the twins Thanksgiving weekend! We planned it out perfect so all the family would be in town and my brother and dad could stand in the circle with Tim. We blessed the twins at my parents family ward, it was nice to be around people that i grew up with and have known Tim and I and what we have been through.
The blessing was amazing, the spirit was so so strong during each blessing. I didnt and couldnt close my eyes once throughout each blessing, i just stared at Tim, I was in awe that we were finally at this moment in our life, blessing our babies, and my wonderful husband was blessing each of them. Tim struggled and cried through each of the babies names, especially having to actually say Titus & Blake out loud, (normally we dont, it just hurts to much, we normally just say 'the first set of twins'). It just hurts to think we will never be able to bless our other children here on earth. After the blessing Tim held Sky and sat next to me...I watched him as he just started at her and tears fell from his face, i could just see the love on his face and the hurt of loosing his other daughter all at once. It was a special moment that i wont forget.
Both the twins did amazing through the blessing, they didnt make a peep! Thank goodness! Zane looks ridiculously handsome...of course & Sky looked absolutely beautiful.
Im so thankful for my dad and brother that were worthy to stand in the circle and support Tim.
Eight years from now and my twins will be in white for the second time and Tim will baptize each of them. Cant wait!

Almost 5 months!

2010-11-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

The twins are almost 5 months old!! Wow! It seems like everyday gets easier with the twins, the older they get the more they can entertain themselves!
Neither of them are rolling over purposely on their own yet. They both HATE tummy time with a passion. Im hoping they start to crawl soon so they can do things on their own and not have to wait on me to move them around.
The twins 4 month stats are:
Zane 14lbs
Sky 10lbs
Here are a couple things about the twins.
Zane refuses to go the entire night without eating, he always wakes up around 230am for a feeding. He now arches his back, its really annoying cause its like he already throwing tantrums...?! He had his first stuffy nose, cough & fever, that was the WORST time so far, when it comes to having twins. All i wanted to do was old Zane and comfort him, but i couldnt cause i had another baby to care for... :(. It was really hard. He is such a happy baby now, he laughs all the time!
Skyler started biting my nipple! Grr, so i push her into my boob and also put my finger on her mouth and tell her 'NO', firmly...its kinda funny cause she starts BALLING and screaming loud when i do that, its like she knows im disciplining her and im not happy with her. Its kinda cute, i cant help but laugh. She is such a great sleeper! She will sleep from 8pm-5am wake up, feed, then go back to sleep until 7-8am! I love it! She is such a talker...so dang cute! She has always made the cutest noises! She will be all alone in her crib, on the couch or in her swing and just coo to herself then laugh, its super cute!
I started recording the twins a lot and wanted to put the videos online so i know i could never lose them! I upload all the videos to YOUTUBE. Check them out :). My goal is to do daily log, or at min weekly.
http://www.youtube.com/user/tedeloach?feature=mhsn

Zane is lookin over at the girls...DRAMA QUEENS! hehe. This is the first time the twins were able to meet their new friend Arli!

I always try to face the twins at each other so they can see one another! they will coo and touch each other constantly when they are this way. its super cute.
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Zane has had over 5 hair cuts since he was born, but over the past couple weeks the hair on the top of his head has been slowly falling out...So he was almost bald on top, with long hair on the sides...yeah, he looked like an old man, not cute. So i decided it was time to buzz it, so that it can all grow back the same length. Skyler also had a hair cut, we trimmed all of her hair down to one length aswell. Tim didnt want the twins to feel singled out so he buzzed his head too! I love Tim with a shaved head! He hates it though. I think Zane looks wwaaayy older with no hair and kinda mexican.

Love my kids. They are almost 5 months old!

This is me, daily. Love it!

Bristol Clawson in the tahoe with sky and zane...on our way to Jerrae`s house for a play date. Its so fun the twins and Bristol are only a week apart and get to hang out almost everyday!!

My beautiful baby Sky, i am just so in love with this girl! She is such a sweetheart!

Zane and Sky are getting so dang big and just cuter everyday!!

my first 5k- Almost 4 months old!

2010-10-26T09:54:00.000-07:00

Not even 4 months after i delivered the twins on Oct 23rd I ran my first 5k at South Mountain, my time was 47mins, 15 min miles! It was amazing, i loved every second of it, cant wait to do my next run in about a month on Thanksgiving! Half way through the run i got really tired, my dad had said there would be a couple small hills...yeah, he totally lied, there were huge hills, i hadn't trained for that, but i never stopped. I slowed down to a fast walk twice for less then a minute each while trying to basically hike up the hill, once i got up the hills, i got my second wind and was feeling good again. AND i will say part of me getting my second wind was due to the fact that this huge lady passed me, and i told myself..."if she can do it then i totally can"! its funny what motivates you :) My dad also enjoys running and did a half marathon the same day, i waited for him at the finish line after 13 miles and 2 1/2 hr run and when we crossed the finish line i gave him the biggest huge and he just balled his eyes out, i was so proud of him, i saw the strong dad i looked up to growing up when we hugged. it was a special moment in time...we both cried then got a massage and talked and talked about our runs.
during my run this old old man with a full head of white hair ran off the course and totally went pee on the side of the road (yeah, i totally saw everything) in the bushes! then when he got back on the road and started running again the front of his shorts were totally soaked! he looked at me and said "i had to pee" and just went on with the run! lol it was awesomely gross!
I feel so much better about myself, ive found myself after i am done getting ready to go somewhere thinking to myself that i feel cute :) and when you can tell yourself that and its not coming from someone else, you know your making progress! cause we all know people tell you things just to try to make you feel better, people lie. Every morning a couple girls and i push our kids in the stollers around the neighborhood for about an hour and speed walk, its so beautiful outside, its so much fun to get away from the house in the morning and get to spend some time outside with some girls! Plus i dont think the twins like being cooped up all day, they want to feel the wind in their hair too! Then later in the day Tim and I drop the kids off the at ymca daycare almost every night at 7pm and we work out for an hour, its great to have an hour alone each day with just Tim, we can talk about our day without worrying about the kids, we can flirt, and just have a small date every night. It really helps me too cause Tim is really great about always getting to the gym, we keep each other motivated, if he doesn't want to go then i make him and if i dont wanna go he makes me! Sometimes we finish early and hit the hot tub! I look forward to 7pm every night, even if i dont really feel like working out, i go! If just to get some alone time!

i plan to do this race again next year, but do the half marathon with my dad, i look forward to comparing pictures and times from this year to next!

zane and sky in their cute Vans shoes!

This is Zane`s "oh" face with my youngest sister Eliza! He always does this when he is sleeping.

My handsome son Zane (dont mind the burp clothe that says Skyler!)

The twins are getting so big and i hardly feel like they are babies anymore! They will be 4 months old on Nov 2nd!
Zane will totally talk to Tim is so cute, oh and only Tim, i cant get him to talk back to me! Tim will make noises like "hoo hoo" and Zane will totally do it back to him! Its like they are having their own little conversation! If you tickle under zanes arm he will giggle ! When Zane is in the bath now he hits the waters and plays with it! Its cute to see him slash the water around. When zane smiles he keeps his mouth closed and shows off that one cute dimple on the left side of his cheek, his smile is going to seriously melt some ladies!! Sometimes when we try to get him to laugh he will laugh or smile he will get shy and hide his face with his hands or put his face into whatever is in front of him. He has been sleeping from 10pm to 430am, then we take him downstairs put him the swing and he will go back to sleep or just hang out, and i will sleep on the couch. Sky sleeps from 10pm-530am and we do the same with her. zane doesnt really like to stand up much, he would rather sit, but he does love the fan. he will lay under the ceiling fan for hours just laughing and looking at it! it totally keeps him busy! He is such a good eater, he is great at breastfeeding and great at taking the bottle, he will eat about 5oz each feeding.

Skyler is such a happy baby! She isnt very fond of the headbands i am constantly putting on her head, she wont take them off but they always seem to fall over her eyes when she is in her car seat, i dont car though, she will wear them. Even if she is decked out in all pink i have still been asked if i have two boys??? Whats wrong with people! Its only happened 3 times, ive counted, so she will ALWAYS have a headband on! She loves to kick her feet around, she always has her feet in the air kicking from and moving her arms around. She is constantly smiling, but she smiles the most at night at 530am when she wakes up to eat! Most of the time when the bottle or nipple is in her mouth she is smiles so big she wont even close her mouth to eat, its cute, but not that cute when your tired and u just want her to eat so you can go back to bed! lol, but of course we just cant help but smile! She LOVES to stand up! If you hold both her hands she will stand up and just laugh and smile and totally coo at you, i love it. when she is breastfeeding she will look up at me, smile, then dig her face into my boob while laughing and having this biggest smile on her face, its so cute! When she smiles she opens her entire mouth, its not just a gum shot its a whole mouth totally open full of happiness shot!! Its so dificult to feed sky, she is always fighting you, constantly moving her head around from side to side when your trying to force the bottle into her mouth, Tim and I always fight over who gets to feed zane, cause he just eats and is done, sky likes to drag on the feeding for as long as possible. Thankfully both the twins love their swings! I have 3, just in case one breaks or the batteries die i have a backup! The swings are kinda like my "sister wives" :) Sky is finally great at breastfeeding, she can finally do a whole feeding on just the breast, and i dont have to top her off when we are done with the bottle, it great, but she still takes longer to eat then Zane! I know a lot of moms with twins or multiples like to breastfeed the twins at the same time, but i really dont like doing that. I enjoy breastfeeding and spending time with one at a time and bottle feeding the other, then every other feeding, we switch and the other bf and the other gets the bottle. I feel like when i bf them its my bonding time with that individual child, i can just cuddle and love on them and not have the other one trying to get my attention at the same time, i try my hardest to treat them like individuals and not like twins.

Disneyland 2010

2010-10-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

Every year we go to Disneyland for our family reunion! The past couple years were always tons of fun, ridding all the rides and basically running around doing whatever we wanted...But this year was a different kind of fun with the twins being there. We wanted to stop and take more pictures, go on baby rides and just watch how and if the twins would react to everything, this year was super fun!
Of course i had to make a matching outfit for the twins to have for each day we were at Disneyland! We are really looking forward to next year, the twins will be 13 months old and will be able to interact with everything a little more rather then just eat and sleep. all and all it was so much fun to be with family and get away!
The twins first time at the beach. Skyler slept mostly the entire time. Zane was awake, it was super windy so he didnt like that at all! I kept him bundled up tight and just held him!

life after pregnancy

2010-10-04T21:44:00.000-07:00

ive been having a really tough time with the way i look. (i know everyone says they go through this after delivering a baby... so i guess it my turn). Ive always been the first to say dont complain if your not doing anything about it! so this is me complaining...yet i am doing something about it. but i need to vent. i hate my body. i hate to look in the mirror. everything about myself, i can always find a flaw. i feel bad for Tim to have to see me naked. i keep my shirt on when we have sex. i dont have anything to wear that i like and i refuse to spend money on fat clothes. i hate it. i truly do. this is an honest post. i guess i didnt really believe it when people said that your body changes after having kids. but it doesnt just change, its ruins it. ive never felt like this before. ive always been skinny, never had to really think about being fat. then you get pregnant and feel cute throughout your entire pregnancy, getting a cute hard belly. but BAMB you give birth, and your tummy turns from hard and cute to soft and gross. i feel like i literally GAVE my hot body to sky and zane, as if i gave up having a no stretchmarks and flat tummy to my kids so they could enjoy having nice bodies throughout their life`s, while i am left with stretched skin, stretchmarks that seem an inch deep you can almost see my insides, and then on top of everything i cant fit into anything.
okay, that was me venting. now for the prep talk. i am constantly working out, i love running, swimming laps, and i am doing all of it, all the time. eating good really isnt that hard when you hate what you see in the mirror, i feel like all i eat is tuna from the can, turkey burgers, fish and brown rice. i know in time i will loose the weight and that i will also have a sexy body again....WITH CLOTHES ON. & i think i am okay with that, the only person that sees me naked is Tim, the world sees me clothed, so i know i can be cute that way. i need to be skinny for me, for myself and for my husband. tim says he loves me no matter what...but what man wouldnt prefer a skinny wife then an over weight one?? an honest man shouldnt lie about that?! i know i would hate it if my spouse wasnt what he used to look like. i would still love him, but it would just be different.
now that i have kids...working out is my way out. literally. my out. i run outside and get away for an hour or more a day. i enjoy being away. even if i dont feel like working out i still do, if only to get some alone time.
i love the spirit that dwells inside me, i love my testimony and what life has taught me, death, hate, love, the birth of my 4 children, but i dont love my body. but with all of these things i have a choice, and i choose to be healthy, strong in the church and believe in myself...that i can do it, that i can love myself the way i did before the twins. i want to be a hot mom, and i cant wait to make that happen!!!

10 weeks old!

2010-09-11T21:47:00.000-07:00

Judy Cozza did a quick photo shoot today and i LOVE how the pictures turned out! Time goes by sooo fast! They are 10 weeks old!
I went over to a friends house and she is teaching me how to sew, so i made the twins first matching outfits the other day! I LOVE making the twins clothes! I dont see myself buying any clothes, i think i can make them cuter clothes then what i can buy! I have soooooooo many ideas running through this head of mine! I cant wait sit back down to make headbands, flowers, ties, tutus, huh, i feel so lucky i have a boy and a girl!! I have the best of both worlds at ONCE!! Its amazing!
More pictures to come!

TWINS photo shoot!

2010-08-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

The twins had there first photo shoot!! They both did amazing! We did two separate shoots one at 3 weeks old and the other at 7 weeks old. The photographer was amazing with the kids and we did most of the shots at her home studio! Check her out! http://www.kristenselfphotography.com/
Here is a sneak peak!!!

3 weeks old. It was soo fun snuggling them together in this. They LOVE being super close to each other.

I LOVE this picture. Isnt Zane`s hair amazing! It totally stands out in this picture, and how can you not just love Skyker`s little foot!!

Skyler and her Daddy. She did so good sleeping on Tim for the picture...Tim just had to coo to her and she went right to sleep. Sooo cute!

The benefit of having a daughter thats 4lbs 12oz is that she fits inside a boot! OMG! She is sleeping on top of a plant bowel shaped like a boot. It was so dang cute...& again whats up with the cute foot thing! She is so stinkin cute.

7 weeks old. Zane is so adorable with his arm around his little sis...! Stay away boys!
Doesn`t Zane look like a little man?! He doesn`t even seem like a baby any more, he is soo much bigger then Skyler...and with all that hair...what a stud!

The photographer had this super cute lemonade stand she made for her kids to sell juice with, we propped Skyler on top, through a white frilly tutu on her, a big flower (of course) and this is what ya get! AMAZINGLY cute, that is! :)

Birth Story

2010-08-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

I went in for my weekly check up hoping to have my membranes stripped...but found that i was already dilated to a 5 & 50% effaced!! The doc told me to walk the mall for 1 hour to try to throw myself into labor and head to the hospital. I walked for about 30 mins and my feet and back hurt so much and i felt like Zane was going to fall out so we headed to the hospital, i was feeling tons of pressure.
Once checked in i was still at a 5 and was admitted at 7pm on 7/1/10. My time was here finally, iwas finally going to deliver these two and meet them!! It was a good feeling to finally be at the hospital and not be sent home...this time i WASNT going home empty handed.
We did an ultrasound to find out the babies positions...Zane was head down estimated at 6lbs 4oz, Skyler was breech estimated at 5lbs 1oz...(shows you how OFF those estimates are)...
I have REALLY small veins...and after 5 tries the IV was finally started.
I wasnt really in any pain but i was sooooo nervous that the pain would just HIT me and i would be dialed at like a 9 and it would be too late for my to get the epidural (i remember the pain of delivering Titus without any meds and he was only almost a pound and that was almost unbearable), so i got it at 10pm while still dialed at a 5. It was taking me a LONG time to dilate. I was feeling A LOT of pressure but no pain. The doc checked me at 1:30am and i was only at a 6 & 75%!! He broke Zane's sac and with his fingers in me told me that "Zane has plenty of hair"...(he wasnt kidding!!). I was put on Pitocin to make things move quicker.
A little while after he broke my water i felt like the epidural wasnt working... i know you are suppose to feel pressure but i was having to breath through every contraction the pain was soooo hard and it was all from the pressure! I started having really bad back spasams between my shoulder blades... I HAVE NEVER BEEN SOOO uncomfortable my back hurt sooo much. I had to have Tim grab one arm and my mom grad the other and cross them in front of each other over my chest and pull to separate my shoulder blades to re leave the pain. huh, it sucked! The anesthesiologist had to come in and up my dosage to try to help with everything. I slowly progressed over the next couple hours, it took me several hours to get to a 7 then 8 then finally dilated to a 9 1/2. I got to a 9 1/2 around 9am on 7/2. ffffeeeeewwww long night. I remember Tim was sleeping on a chair during the night and i was sooo mad/jealous at him for sleeping while i was in labor. I wanted him to feel what i was feeling. I was upset that over the past year and a half i have been in hospital bed way to many times while he is in a chair next to me, but never the one in pain. I just felt ready to stop being the one with all the issues.
The doc came in and told me that it should not of taken so long for me to get to a 9 1/2...
Over the past 24hrs while in labor Zane's head had shaped itself to the birth canal. He told me the 'lip' of my cervix isnt moving out of the way (i guess when you get close to delivering there is a lip on your cervix that normally moves out of the way on its own...and mine wasnt doing that!) the doc said i could deliver Zane since he is already shaped to fit and would make it out alright...but the concern was making sure Skyler could get out safely. The doc was okay with sticking his arm up there if she didnt turn on her own to come out head first. He could pull her out feet first if she didnt turn...but there was a large chance that my cervix could close on her head...also that she would get stuck, since she hasnt had the past 24hrs while i was in labor to shape her head to fit around that lip...or she could get stuck and then we would have a huge problem and she could possibly die...THIS STUPID LIP thing is what screwed up everything! HUH!!! Sooo either i take the chance and deliver Zane vaginally and pray that everything goes perfect with Skyler coming out...OR i deliver Zane vaginally and possibly have an emergency c section if she got stuck (the thought of delivering a baby both vaginally and through a c section was NOT an option)...all odds were against me and i didnt want to even chance the possibility of loosing another child... So nice big unwanted whole in my tummy here i come! (all this talk with the doc about the what IF'S and my options...lets not forget i am in tons of pain and almost to a 10!! I was feeling like i needed to push and wanting him OUT, the pressure was soo intense!!) Once the decision was made to do the c section i wanted to ball my eyes out!! I just looked at Tim like I CANT BELIEVE THIS! I was soo sad and heartbroken. But i held back the millions of tears i wanted to cry, i didnt want to draw any unwanted attention to myself from my family and or doc i just wanted the babies out and i knew this was the best decision and i just needed to suck it up and hold back the tears....plus i felt like Zane was going to come out any second! I didnt want him to come while i was crying and have to do the double delivery...huh.

Everything was kicked into high gear once i gave the okay for a c section. Tim got his scrubs on and i was wheeled into the OR. My experience wasnt a fun one. While in the OR i wasnt numb enough from the epidural to do the c section...I could feel the doc touching me and the freezing orange sponge thing...huh it was horrible! So while i am feeling the need to push and they are telling me not too i was given ANOTHER huge dose of the epidural and finally the doc started to cut. ALL i can remember after that was waking up trying to catch my breath saying as loud as i could that i couldnt BREATH!!!!!..and trying to look for Tim since i was alone laying there!! (Tim was over looking at the babies talking to the doc about each baby) Soooo... the doc said that i had an allergic reaction and passed out because amniotic fluid got into my blood stream and the reaction made me black out. Then i guess the meds they give to help with this reaction makes you feel like your lungs are closing on you and you feel like you cant breath! Its a CRAZY horrible feeling. So when the babies were pulled out of me and give that first wonderful cry that you've been waiting for for the past 9 months & when the doc holds the babu up over the blue cover in front of you to show you your new baby!...yeah...I MISSED IT! I was blacked out and didnt hear Zane or Skyler's first cry...or cry at all in the OR. Tim was alone in all of that experience...(i am so jealous of him...i will never get those special moments back). When i finally came too and found my breath all i remember is Tim telling me "The babies are doing great and Zane has soooo much hair"!!!... and that was it. The next thing i know im being wheeled to the recovery room. I guess Tim was told by the doc that both babies were going to the NICU...(so we werent expecting the twins to be in the recovery room)... But Skyler ended up only needing some oxygen and that was it! Both kiddos were waiting at my recovery bed for us. I was still kinda out of it but was soo excited to hold both of them and just stare at them. I fell asleep and when i woke up i realized my life had just changed for the better. I now had a family of my own.

Born on 7/2/10 by C section at 36 weeks 1 day.
Zane Titus DeLoach born at 1020am weighing 7lbs 1oz, TONS of long black hair (just like his mama did)
Skyler Blake DeLoach born at 1022am weighing 4lbs 12oz, very tiny and very beautiful.
I weight 204 (yikes) at my doc apt the day before i delivered on 7/1, at my two week apt i had lost 44lbs and was at 160. yeah! (when i first found out i was going to be on bed rest for almost my entire pregnancy, I told Tim "i bet ill get to 200lbs'...huh unfortunately i was right) I guess thats what nothing but laying around all day every day, eating, drinking, and not using one muscle does to ya!

3 weeks old - Tim is 24!

2010-07-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

Its crazy to me that my time has come and i am finally a stay at home mama and have two kids! But reality strikes when the night comes and i dont sleep at all. Two babies really is hard, i am always thinking how easy one baby would be.

I am breastfeeding, pumping and supplementing. Even with pumping i am not producing enough milk to solely breastfeed, i just barely got the twins to their birth weight cause they werent getting enough food, it sucked to find that out the hard way. Breastfeeding twins is sooo difficult, i refuse to give up though, breast milk is so much cleaner and the twins like it so much more... but it really is harder then i thought id be. Feeding them at the same time is the best way for me to BF them, but Skyler always falls asleep. Zane is a trooper and does great. But BF is really hard...i feel like i am constantly feeding them cause i cant tell if they are getting enough to eat when at the breast, so pumping and feeding them works better for me...so i know how much they are eating and make sure they get enough. Also Tim or someone else can help me so i can finish twice as fast. Deciding how the feedings will work daily and trying to keep them on the same schedule is my biggest challenge right now.

The twins are 3 weeks old and i am moving them into their room into their crib. The twins make so much noise that keeps me awake, i only wanna hear when they cry and need me, so i decided they`re being kicked out of my room :) Sorry babes!

Skyler & Zane have a diaper rash! UUGGG, its horrible! Its crazy to me that a kid can get a rash when they are being changed every 3 hours if not more then that! I feel so bad for them, poor Zane SCREAMS like i am ripping his arm off every time i change him

Zane is so strong and big! He can hold his head up and he doesnt fit into any of his preemie clothes. He is such a chubby guy compared to his sister. I freakin LOVE his hair!! He doesnt even need any product, if you run a comb through it his hair will just go right into a mohawk, soo cute! Zane weighs 7lbs 7oz.

Skyler is so tiny and i really do love her cry, i know its weird to say...but its just such a cute cry...its probably cause she never cries so when i hear it i know she really needs something and really is sad!! She also makes the cutest noises when she sleeps, like really cute noise!! Skyler weighs 5lbs 3oz.

I AM A MAMA. Its crazy. I pray every night and thank Heavenly Father for sending my two healthy kids & for making my one dream of becoming a mother come true.

It`ll be one year on Aug 6th & 9th that my little angels Blake & Titus were given to us then taken away. I find myself crying more and more the closer i get to those dates. Its hard to hold my twins and not think i should have two one year old babies running around. I cant help but think that Skyler and Zane know them better then i do and actually got to spend time with them before entering this world into my arms. Hopefully Zane and Skyler learned something from them and brought with them some of their personality so i am able know and feel my angels through my twins. I am thankful for what i have and what ive been through, its truly molded me into who i am today.

2010-07-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

Family picture before leaving to Tim`s birthday dinner! Happy 24th Birthday lover!! 2nd time leaving the twins, it really wasnt as bad as i thought itd be, it was nice to get away.
Do you like my new look?! BANGS?! I LOVE THEM!! Its my new mom look... I really needed a change but im too scared to do anything too crazy...so bangs was as much change as i could handle :)! Bangs are great! I can throw my hair up and its done and looks super cute or i can wear it down and hardly straighten it and it looks like i spent tons of time of it, love it.

My little sister Rachel holding my precious little girl.
The twins are 3 weeks old, time is flying by.

no sleep is better then no baby :)!!!!!!!!

2010-07-13T21:02:00.000-07:00

The TWINS have arrived! On July 2nd by c-section :( @ 36 weeks 1 day...Zane was born at 10:20am 7lbs 1oz, Skyler was born at 10:22am 4lbs 12oz, both healthy as can be & thankfully didnt have to go to the NICU!!

I finally found a second to post some pics, ill post my birth story once i find another minute :)

I LOVE it when Sklyer looks up at me with those eyes, she is so serene and precious...Skyler is such a sweetheart, she is so patient and will wait to be fed, changed and to be picked up! LOVE HER!
Zane is my little needy child. When he is hungry he must be fed asap or else i will hear it from him...lol. He HATES being changed, and LOVES to be held. I love his hair and his dark skin, he is our little mexican baby.
Breastfeeding is going well, i am loving every second of it, its something so special that i am thankful & bond in a way with my twins that no one else can. I wont lie, i am tired ALL THE TIME, feeding two kids, changing them, burping...cuddling and the list goes on its tiring, but i wouldnt trade it for anything. Even sleep...haha.
I am SOOOO lucky and i know it. I love these kids so much. I am proud and more then thankful to say i am FINALLY a mom, and am sooo ready to start my new life as a stay at home mama raising the twins ive prayed for, cried over, and had my testimony tested for. BRING IT ON!!!

2010-07-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

2010-07-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

Facebook | My Photos - Mobile Uploads

2010-07-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

Facebook | My Photos - Mobile Uploads: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

Did i only gain 11 pounds!? hehe

2010-06-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

35wks 5days...(This is craziness!!!!!I know, im shocked too!!) I am still at a 2 as of my Doctor apt yesterday. The babies are doing great and moving a lot! They both have tons of fluid! Skyler WAS head down at my ultrasound last Tuesday but yesterday she is now showing breech!! Zane is still head down and will for sure be the first to pop out! I can still have a Vag delivery as long as Zane (baby A) stays head down.

I lOOOOOVVVE that i get soooo many ultrasounds. I honestly have had one if not two weekly throughout my entire pregnancy...sometimes i would just call into the Dr office and tell them im feelin a bit "weird" and i think i would feel more comfortable if i came in for an u/s to just check to make sure all is well...and they TOTALLY would let me just come in whenever. Yeah, its great. Anyways...So the u/s also went well yesterday. Since the twins lungs are fully developed now (thanks to the steroid shots) you can totally see the babies lungs just pumping away...practice breathing! I loved watching them breath! They also checked the twins weigh...
Zane is 6lbs!! Skyler is 5lbs!!! OMG...lets do the math...5lbs + 6lbs = 11 lbs!!! So i have 11 pounds of JUST baby chillin in this tummy!! Yeah, wow, i know! I keep thinking to myself that whatever i feel right now during this pregnancy and how large my belly is...next time i get prego i will never have to feel this HUGE or uncomfortable again!! I will have such a small tummy with just one and i will never be as uncomfortable as i am right now with these twins... :)

So... 16 days from today i will be 38 weeks (on July 15th)...So if i havent delivered these two by then, then i will be induced on 7/15!! So since i am sick of guessing then being let down each time i dont think i would EVER make it past "that certain" week....THEN I DO! Im over that. SOOOOOO....I decided i am only looking forward to 16 days from now, its nice to know i will for sure meet MY BABIES on or before the 15th!!! YEAH!!!

So much fun!

2010-06-27T21:01:00.000-07:00

Hot pink and a dark blue...!!! Cant WAIT to meet my Zane & Sky!

35weeks 3 days prego! I think my tummy looks like i have several basketballs under my shirt! SO big!! :)
Hanging out with my Grandma & my little brother Josh that just returned home from his mission in Rome Italy!!

2010-06-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

I had to make sure to take pictures with all the prego girls at my shower! Becca, Jenny & Charlotte!!

2010-06-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

We played some games with some yummy candy bars...(Thats my little brother in law holding the candies)...

2010-06-27T20:29:00.000-07:00

I had two AMAZING showers!! Thanks to everyone that helped out!! We had a great turn out and it was sooo fun hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends!

prego update

2010-06-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

Went to the Doctor today...
So far i am still at a 1...but close to a 2. (So not much has changed there)...They said my cervix is 'soft' so thats good to hear...and the Doctor said he can feel Zane`s head when he checks me, so he is nice and low, right where he needs to be!! They will not induce me until i hit 38 weeks! Unless during the stress test one of the twins heart rate goes down during a contraction and is in distress, one of the twins isnt gaining enough weight (i have a growth ultrasound on Monday where they will check the twins weight), or if the fluid is low in one of the sacs.
Honestly, i NEVER thought id make it past 35 weeks! So now im super anxious for them to arrive!!! I KNOW the longer they are in the better but its hard to remember that when i never imagined myself this far along.
Over all i feel really good. I have lots of contractions through out the day and even at night when i am sleeping, they are starting to hurt my back a lot so i know thats a good sign...I am also slowly loosing my mucus plug. It is a relief to be able to actually DO things around the house. The bathrooms are clean, laundry is done, things are organized the way ive wanted!!
The down side to now being able to go out of the house is... I dont have ANYTHING to wear! I can honestly say i have 2 shirts that cover my tummy. So its kinda hard to feel cute, not that i really care all that much cause i am just over trying to feel cute being 9 months prego.
Where ever i go people ask how many DAYS are left until i deliver...and surprisingly A LOT of people ask if i am carrying more then one...lol, what can i say...im short. I love having a big belly and i love being able to get out of the house! Hopefully i will be able to meet these babies soon!!!

HOME

2010-06-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

Cerclage was removed today and it hurt like HELL! I am at a 1 and the position is minus 2. I just got home. I am suppose to take it easy either until my water breaks or until i start contracting every 5 mins, then id go back to the hospital...but i am no longer on full time bed rest.
I am really hoping to get to 35wks!!
Being home is bitter sweet...i am happy the twins can cook a bit longer, but now im nervous cause im away from the safety of the hospital...Im nervous how and when labor will start for me?! Now that the Cerclage is out i feel like the twins are going to fall out (i know they wont)...but ive never been this prego without the comfort of the stitch holding my cervix closed...now i feel like a free women...!!
So now we wait....!

Change of plans!

2010-06-17T15:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after settling into Triage, my Doctor decided the chance of me delivering these twins soon after my Cerclage is removed is too high...So change of plans! The Cerclage is staying in just a couple more days...My Doctor decided to give me a steroid shot to help the babies lungs develop (for best results, the steroids should be in your system for a total of 48hrs before delivering the baby). The steroids are given in two separate shots, once every 24hrs. So i got my 1st shot yesterday at noon and my 2nd shot today at noon.
So the new plan is...I have to stay in the hospital until i reach the 48hr mark (so tomorrow at noon) then the Doctor will remove the Cerclage and i will be placed on the monitor for several hours to watch my contractions and check to see if i have had any cervical changes...If i dont go into labor then i will be sent home and when i go into labor when i go into labor...
I cant wait for tomorrow to come!! Im nervous i will go into labor as soon as the Cerclage is removed, but excited to see what the outcome will be!
Being in the hospital is GREAT! Really, i love it! I mean, being at home i had to wait on Tim to get home to ask him to do the things i wanted him to do or ask him to get me something, cook me something other then me making myself a quick sandwich or microwave somethin...Here, all i do is PUSH A BUTTON!!! Ummm, i think i want some orange sherbet, a pillow, a soda, something to eat...like real food that someone (from the cafeteria) took the time to make, whatever i want, i get!...With just a push of a button, I LOVE IT!!!! Im doing all the same things id do at home, like blogging, Facebook, reading, sleeping, researching stuff online & watching TV...but now i dont have to wory about a mess to make Tim clean up or really asking Tim to do anything... and my bed is electric so i dont need help getting in and out of bed...i could go on and on...!!! After being on bed rest at home, i have NOTHING to complain about being on bed rest here at the hospital, its SOOO much better here!
Tim and i got a chance to do a tour of the NICU! It was sooo great to talk to the Doctors that will most likely be caring for my twins in the near future if they are sent there. They explained how everything works and whats used for what. We were able to see TINY little babies (reminding me of my dear Titus & Blake born at 20wks) that were born just 4 weeks later then my twins and have a chance at life at 24wks! It was amazing and also made me cry at the thought that i was only short 4wks and my babies wouldve had a possible chance at life. I was able to sit down with NICU lactation specialist and chat about what to expect if the twins come to the NICU and how i would get my breast milk to them and how everything works. Tim and i learned sooo much and i am soo glad we were able to do the tour and get sooo much info before having the stress of worrying about our twins in that situation. I felt at ease.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!!
I will keep ya`ll updated! We are really hoping to at least keep the twins in me until next Thursday 35wks...But we shall see!!

OMG! What will tomorrow bring?!

2010-06-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

Could tomorrow be the day i deliver my twins!? THAT is the question!!!

Over the past couple weeks ive been having a lot of contractions, weekly the Dr would check me and my cervix has stayed nice & long...I have always been told my Cerclage will be removed between 35-36wks...thats next week!...So today when i went to the Dr i was excited to find out the actual date it would be removed so i have a date to look forward to...The Dr reviewed the past couple weeks with me & decides that since my contractions are only getting harder, more often and more intense that they are going to send me to the hospital tomorrow at 10am to get my Cerclage removed!!!!!! OMG! I was totally taken off guard and not expecting it at all! The Dr said since i am having so many contractions and they are having to check me weekly just to make sure my cervix is still shut that the best thing to do is to remove it...The reason is...if i were to go into full blown labor and was unable to get to the hospital in time for them to remove the Cerclage before the twins started to come then my cervix would rip (NOT A GOOD THING!!!!) So, to be safe we are going to take it out tomorrow to avoid the risk. Once the Cerclage is removed i wont be on total bed rest any longer, i will be able to do a little more then what i am doing now.
Over the past couple weeks with all the contractions ive had and the pressure ive been feeling i keep saying that i swear as soon as the Cerclage is removed i feel like these twins are going to fall out!!!!...or at least be born within 48hrs! So now im super nervous cause tomorrow is the day... My goal has always been to get to 34weeks, but i really do not want to deliver them before 35-36wks! So the question is WILL i deliver these twins tomorrow ???!!(or within the next week)! We shall see!!!!!!!!

2010-06-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

33wks 5days! My big belly, its super heavy!

Skyler

Skyler crying in my belly!

Zane sucking on his hand

just a couple more weeks!

2010-06-02T11:39:00.000-07:00

32 wks prego tomorrow! Hello 8th month! Wow where has time gone?! Went to the Dr yesterday and i was super surprised at the twins weight! Zane is 4lbs 11oz! Skyler 3lbs 12oz! They are getting soooo big. In 3-4 wks i get in Cerclage removed!!!!! YEAH YA! They checked my cervix and everything looks good. I am having regular contractions daily, i can tell they are getting worse. Ive been to Triage twice within the past 3 weeks, but my cervix is holding up so thats all that matters! I am taking Nifedipine
to stop the contractions, if i cant make then go away on my on and i have more then 6 an hr then i take one pill...if i continue to have 6 an hr i have to go into Triage. Im having SOOOO much pelvic pain. Zane is head down, like really far down and ready to come out, its so hard to walk, get in or out of bed, lift my legs.... Only a couple more weeks so i cant complain! :)

Over the past couple weeks...

2010-05-16T20:34:00.000-07:00

Huh, this has been a project over the past several weeks and we are still far from finished...but i wanted to post some pics of our progress!
Tim has been laboring over the past couple weeks to sand & paint these two cribs, they turned out awesome, he did such a great job! He is still working on the dresser, but hopefully itll be done within the next week or so, ill post of pic of it once finished.
Okay, about the car seats and Snap & Go stroller!... Had always planned on purchasing new (since they are so important and you never know if you purchase them used if the person is lying about possibly being in an accident or maybe the person is just gross, you never know...) but when i found this deal and met the girl i couldnt pass it up! I found them on Craigslist, i called the girl Rebecca about a twins nursing pillow she was selling and after talking a bit she told me about the car seats and stroller she was also trying to get rid of...I had a good feeling about it and went to her house to take a look- she was super nice and was actually LDS! We totally hit it off, she has 9 month old twin boys, she was able to give me the 'DL' on twins...:) The car seats were hardly used...I bought the 2 car seats and Snap & Go double stroller for $130!! Huh, it was such a relief to save so much money and feel comfortable buying them used.
I wanted to put new car seat covers on them and found this girl that makes custom baby EVERYTHING on Craigslist! (I love Craigslist)... She does such a great job and its all for a really good price. Here is her website if you want something made! www.BeanzThingz.shutterfly.com. So my good friend Jenny and i headed to Hobby Lobby and she pushed me around in a wheelchair while i picked out the fabric for the car seats and crib bedding. It was blast, and SOOO nice to get out of the house! I ended up matching the crib bedding with the car seats cause i loved the patterns so much.
Okay about the room-I cant wait for it to be finished! Skyler will sleep in Zane`s room until she can walk then we will decorate her room, this seems to be the best way to go so i dont have all of her things in one room and his in the other...that would just be wayyy toooo much work to get them dressed and changed 10 times a day!... The twins will sleep together in Zane`s crib until one of them starts to roll, then i will move Skyler into her own crib...The research i have done on twins says this is the best way to go...But we will see what works best for my set.
We still have to paint some random thick black strips on the walls and get in big black letters 'YAMAHA' in vinyl to put over the cribs...the room will be done in black and white pictures of dirt bikes & antiques dirt bikes, along those lines...i cant wait to see the finished product...The room will have just a little bit of hot pink randomly for Skyler.
Ill post pics from both my baby showers! It was soo fun and i got A LOT of great stuff! Thanks to everyone that helped and everyone that came! Thank you, thank you!
I get my cerclage out in about 6 weeks...so in 6 weeks i am OFF bed rest & could deliver these twins as soon as they are ready!!! Time has flown by!

2010-05-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

Skyler`s crib and bedding- has just a hint of hot pink with black, dark gray and white. Perfect.

Zane`s crib and bedding- love the pattern. huh...

I love that i am being blessed with not one but two.

The car seat covers i had made, LOVE THEM!

The car seat with the black cover i had made- so no unwanted hands can touch my little ones :)

Maternity pictures

2010-05-02T09:59:00.000-07:00

26 weeks pregnant with twins

whats up

2010-04-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Tim and I headed to my home town Phx for my youngest brother Michael`s last weekend here before he leaves for his mission in Argentina!! He is such an amazing little brother and i know he will be an amazing missionary!! Michael will be the 5th person in my family to go on a Spanish speaking mission!!
It was sooo nice to get out of the house and visit family and hang out with Michael before he leaves on Wednesday...
While the entire family went off to church on Sunday to listen to Michael`s talk i took a nap on the couch and missed it :( I was really sad but i know its all for a good cause!!
So we took lots of picture this weekend but i REFUSE to put any up that show my face!! When i am not looking in the mirror or at a picture of myself i feel like i am still 120lbs but reality strikes when i do! I am okay with gaining weight because i know its for the babies and their health...and i would rather be complaining about gaining then just being skinny and wishing i was prego... :) Never in my life have i ever been sooo motivated to work out in my life and i cant!! Only a couple more months and i will be hitting the gym!! huh! What makes it even worse is Tim is in total workout mode! (he has ALWAYS had a nice body...) but his body only gets better while i sit back and watch mine just get worse!! I have to post this pic, i just love my husband and i love his body!

2010-04-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

My lover, showing off this sexy body.(About 2 weeks ago he started this new workout program and starting taking new supplements so i will post an "after" pic once he has reached his goal weight) He is such a hard worker and is such an inspiration to me to hit the gym asap!! I am so in love with this man and the fact that he is so nice to look at is the cherry on top!!! I wouldnt have it any other way!! He is always reminding me how i WILL get back to my pre-baby body and that i CAN and WILL...(sense the push at the end...)

25wks 4dys- This is probably the only way you will be seeing any pics of my belly is with my hair covering my face!! Lol...Mike was so cute with my belly! He always put his hand my my tummy at the perfect time...right when the babies would kick! Im so glad he got to feel them move for the 1st and last time.

Tim and Michael right after he gave his talk...

Prego talk

2010-03-27T16:15:00.000-07:00

A list of things that are different this pregnancy from the last...now that im past the point of my past pregnancy...

• A small bit of comfort in knowing that my water wouldn’t coincidentally break the same day that it did last time and it is possible for my body to carry past the point of 19wks 3 days.
• When im actually standing for the couple minutes that I do stand my tummy feels VERY heavy…
• I cant see under my belly any longer so I am unable to shave…at all!!! Huh its uncomfortable and sucks!!!
• The babies move soooo much. Its weird cause one side of my belly will move and then the other will do it at the same time, it’s a crazy thing having more then one in there.
• Its hard for me to sleep and im only 22wks! I feel huge. Its hard to get comfortable, my tummy is so heavy when im laying on my side…even with a pillow under it its still uncomfortable.
• I HONESTLY get up minimum 4 times a night to go pee. ITS TRUE! I count…lol
• Tim was able to feel the babies kick and move around for the first time the other day and it was an amazing feeling to see him in that small way he can right now connect with the twins, it mad me sad to think he never got to feel the other set of twins in my tummy.
• Its an exciting feeling to be so close to 24wks (since that’s when babies are viable…If they are born they will be taken to the NICU, and will at least be given a chance at life rather then just set on my tummy and watch them pass) that’s where I wished I could`ve been last time I was prego… its still SUPER early but it’s a good feeling to know that if they were born something will be done to attempt to keep them alive.
• Being on bed rest is super boring, I never thought id say I actually look forward to work after the weekend cause I actually GET to do something rather then watch tv, read, eat and sleep. Saturdays and Sundays are soo boring the back of my head hurts by the end of the day from laying down on it all day long, its ridiculous! (but for a good cause of course : )
• I didn’t mention this in my first post… I am unable to have sex this entire pregnancy, yup. Ever since I got my Cerclage in at 14wks not one bit of sex! Its craziness. So if you see my husband and he seems a little on edge you know why…poor guy!!! Its kinda funny to me because we didn’t have sex to become prego (since we did IVF fertility) and now we cant have sex during the pregnancy… its like its not even necessary with the technology we have these days… haha.

My weekly appointments are going great, the babies are strong and are growing just fine. My cervix hasnt changed at all since 16wks and is still measuring at a 3.5cm...nice and long, right where it needs to stay!

2010-03-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

2 sets of little feet

Little heads next to each other

22wks prego

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2010-03-07T13:41:00.000-08:00

19 wks
19wks
13wks

Its literally impossible to hide…

2010-03-07T12:29:00.000-08:00

YUP! Im pregnant and couldnt be happier. This time around i decided i would hide it from everyone until i was 10 wks (and i had fun doing it!!)- i told my family on Christmas Eve that we were pregnant...with twins, it was amazing to share that with them on the due date of my previous set of twins, it was a bitter sweet day. I had my family keep it a secret until i was past 14 wks, at 14 wks i had surgery and had a Cerclage done (you get a Spinal, then the doc basically sews the cervix shut so it cant open until they take the stitch out). After the Cerclage i told anyone that noticed, but i didnt really ever want to make some sort of an announcement...This pregnancy is extremely scary for Tim and I and its hard to get excited and buy things or even talk about our future with the babies cause we know just how fast that all can be taken away.
I started full time bed rest at 18wks (but have been practicing it...not doing anything since i got the Cerclage at 14wks). I am still working from home but now work from my bed on a laptop. I would go CRAZY if i wasnt working 8 hrs out of the day, it keeps me busy and my mind off everything thats going on. The worst part of being on bed rest is the weekend...After 5 days- after work watchin tv or reading im really not wanting to spend all of Sat & Sun doing just that. But its only two days so i cant complain.
Tim has been AWESOME about the whole bed rest thing...meaning he has to do EVERYTHING for me. Make me dinner, do the dishes, fold & do the laundry, clean the house, and most importantly serve me...lol. I felt kinda bad at first asking him to get me a drink and then some food 5 mins later but now we have a system and he knows what i need and want so it works out well. He doesnt complain about it and is always telling me to drink more or not push on my tummy to feel the babies...haha, its cute. But i think that he doesnt mind doing everything for me this time around since he wasnt here with me at all during my last pregnancy and couldnt take care of us, and wants to make sure he is doing his part and doing all he can to help keep these babies inside me!!
We are having a Boy and a Girl- Just like last time...its crazy we would get one of each both times. Its a bit scary cause that makes it feel similar to the last pregnancy when i wanted this one to feel totally different, but if i am unable to get pregnant again at least we will have one of each, so we are excited.
I am 19 wks 3 days today, my due date is July 29th. I am doing weekly injections of Progesterone to make sure i dont have any contractions. I am seeing PPA (Phoenix Perinatal Associates) they delivered my son and daughter last time and know all about my history. I started out seeing them every other week but now i see them weekly, AND the best part about it is i get weekly ultrasounds and they do a cervical length! I have seen my babies soooooooo many times, I LOVE GOING to the doctor!
This pregnancy has already been a different experience with me being on bed rest, having my Cerclage in, going to PPA weekly, but all in all its still really hard to be confident that this time everything will turn out okay. I feel comforted this time around but the scary thing is i felt comforted the last time as well...once i pass 24 wks i am hoping we can feel a new type of comfort!!

My LuCk

2010-01-17T21:00:00.001-08:00

So...Hello BLOG world...long time no post...haha i know, ive just had nothing blog worthy and interesting enough TOoOOoo blog about... BUT thats all changed...well kinda.
Id like to say i have bad luck, honestly i feel like i dont really ever 'get lucky'. Like my neighbors for example...they won 10k from a cheap lottery ticket! Lucky non-Mormons!
Okay, back to reality for me. So a couple months ago i was shoppin at Fry`s (the nice one, on Ironwood, i used to make the extra drive just to go to that one, but haven`t been back since!) and I normally bring in my entire purse but this time I decided I would only bring my wallet…After I was done shoppin I thought to myself, as I put my wallet from under my arm into the top of the basket…”I should just hold onto this”…Yeah, I didn’t listen…So I put all my grocery`s into my car and drove away… about 2.5 seconds later I realized I had left my wallet in the cart!!! So I turned around (mind you, it really had been like less then a minute that I realized this) and went and parked back in the same place I had just a second ago…NO wallet to be found. So I thought I was loosing it and ran to every cart around looking to see if maybe my cart had been moved or somethin…Still nothing! So I went to the customer service desk gave them my info. I then cancelled all my cards!! It was such a hassle & took forever. After crying to myself all the way home I got a call from Fry`s saying that someone had turned in my wallet… it was bitter sweet cause I had JUST walked in the door at home so I had to turn around and drive back up to Ironwood, but also excited to get my wallet back. Right before going to Fry`s I had cashed a $100 check and had that in my wallet, that was the only thing missing when I picked it up! I was pissed about that cause if I only would’ve waited to cash it until later I would still have the $100 bucks!
So last night we went to Supercross motor sports at Chase Field. It was a blast…as it is every year! Anyways long storey (kinda) short. I gave Tim my phone to hold and he lost it! YUP! And this time I actually brought my purse and should’ve just put my phone in the purse where it belongs! I text my phone from Tim`s phone last night saying “If you are reading this text you have found my phone! Please please please return it,” and gave them my husbands #. I wasn’t too hopeful id get it back and I was going to call T-mobile in the morning to cancel it, when at 7am Tim gets a text saying “I found your phone and id be more then happy to return it”. Huh relief! I honestly couldn’t believe it, I thought for sure some drunk kid would find it and buy a bunch of music and sell it and never return it! The guy that did find it lived near my mom in PHX so she picked it up for me today!
The moral of the storey: keep all important belongings IN THE PURSE! Also I am counting my blessing (cause I always say I have bad luck). But im sure my luck with this type up stuff has run out!

2009-11-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

Tim, Emily, Brent and I getting crazy on Rock Band! haha ya we totally sucked!

2009-11-01T12:50:00.000-08:00

The pirate lovers! SOOO fun...haha we got so many crazy looks everywhere we went. Im so glad we went to the Halloween party!

Tim and I as pirate lovers... with our 'WT' friends Brent & Miranda...it was so fun to dress up! Dont cha love the curlers and the short shorts ?! I do!

Me & Miranda Lewis (& baby Lewis)... I am obviously a super cute pirate and Miranda is my 'WT' (white trash) friend :) haha- Love it!

Disneyland family reunion 09

2009-10-04T13:06:00.001-07:00

Every year in September all of our family heads to Disneyland for the family reunion. It was a lot of fun to be with family and hang out at the beach...!

2009-10-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

As part of the tradition all of the family eats at Goofy's Kitchen in Disneyland and its cute cause all the Disney character's dress up & walk around from table to table. The reason i dont look to happy in this picture is cause Goofy was a total creeper! I accidentally called him Pluto...& he wasnt happy about that! The character's that are in costume under the suits dont talk they just do hand movements..so that made the situation even more awkward...He wouldnt leave until i gave him a hug...and it was a uncomfortable 'long' hug...i know that under that sweaty suit there is a nasty old man...eeeww

Tim and i my two sisters Zina & Camilla..& my mama Denise-going straight to Tower of Terror!!

Family photo! We had a blast and it was cute to all have matching shirts!

After all day walking around both parks we were soooo tired! & it probably wasnt very smart of me to wear flip flops all day cause i had blisters :( We were ready for the day to be over.

Rachel Zina and I are waiting with the family for the Star Wars 'training' to begin...my little cousins where in the show and got to go up on stage and fight with Luke...it was cute.

2009-10-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

Tim and I with my Aunt Heather...Love her!

Me and my sisters, Eliza and Zina...right before we drug Eliza into the Ocean...lol

Tim looking sexy about to make a run for it onto his skim board...

Tim and i taking a walk down the beach, it was beautiful.

We where craving some fresh fish tacos, so we found this awesome place called Papa's Tacos right on the coast over looking the ocean it was sooo good!!!! I had to take a pic so i never forget :)

Today

2009-09-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

I finally told myself this next step i have to take IS real and i have to start planning and getting things ready for the funeral. It was super hard to pick up the phone and call the funeral homes, to tell the lady on the phone that i wanted my babies to be put into the same casket and to discuss my options. Its truly unreal that i am having to bury my babies, it just makes it that much harder. I do feel like i will get some closure when this is all taken care of but in the moment its a horrible thing to face...
I know i am doing a great job at dealing with my situation, but just those little things remind me that im not.
Today i called the Dentist to pay my bill (all the girls in the office know me by name cause i am in their so often) after i paid it, the girl Heidi asked in a cheerful voice 'how are the babies doing', my heart sank, i wanted to hang up but i knew i would probably see her again soon so that wasnt an option...i told her that i lost them both...and then i lost it, just balling on the phone with 'Heidi' the dentist billing lady...she started to cry and said sorry, we hung up. I knew in time this would happen with somebody that would ask that same question and im sure itll happen again, i just didnt know how i would react. Day by day things do get better, i am in a way...happy, im healthy, i have my husband to hold and we have eachother. I am thankful for the things i have and the things i have lost...

9/11

2009-09-11T13:28:00.000-07:00

On this special day take a minute and think about who you have that's touchable and not what you have lost. Say a prayer for the families that lost someone 8 yrs ago today. Be thankful that you have the gospel and know that you can see your loved ones again someday.

Road trip & just being home...

2009-08-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

Since Tim had to fly down from NC on such short notice to make it to the hospital asap he had to leave everything their including our car and all of his belongings. After getting settled in from the hospital we decided that we would just make a road trip out of it. My close friend Melissa got us buddy passes so we could fly for free (Thanks again Melissa!!).
We stayed in NC for 1 night and hung out with everyone Tim worked with during the summer and Jen cut and colored my hair...i really needed it (Thanks Jen, i love it:).
We drove from NC to Nashville TN then to Oklahoma City then stayed in Albuquerque NM & drove home to AZ. It was so nice to be in no rush and just be able to enjoy the drive and make as many stops as we wanted. Im so glad to have my car back im so sick of driving our truck and having to fill it up almost every time i drive it...!
Being home from the hospital has been really hard for me. Just trying to adjust and get back to a "normal" life, sucks. I hate not being pregnant. I hate that i cant feel my son and daughter moving around inside me. I hate that i dont have my due date to look forward to. I hate that i cant stop crying, Tim told me one night when i was sad and couldnt stop the tears from coming that i am going to cry out all of my tears... i dont see how thats possible :( I hate that every time i get into my truck i think to myself how difficult it was to get into it when i was pregnant, or anything i do i think about the last time i did it and that it was when i was pregnant. I hate not having a cute belly. I hate that after everything that happened i cant choose when i want to be reminded and think about everything on my own time and when i want to be sad about it, but that i have to deal with medical bills and the funeral...and people. I hate that i now have to just start doing laundry, dishes, go to church, and just go back to 'life' after everything happened. Its a weird feeling, that i am just me again, not pregnant and with no children...again. Just Eve & Tim. As hard as it is to swallow i do know that everything happens for a reason...Not sure why and i probably wont find out until i am with my children again but i KNOW there is a reason. I know that Tim and i sat down with the Lord in heaven and decided that after trying for 2 years to get pregnant and then after doing IVF fertility that i would get pregnant with twins...a boy and a girl, and they would be born, alive, but would pass away soon after and that we could handle that and that Tim and i are strong enough to get through it. Honestly, that is the only thing i have been able to hold onto. Every time i get sad this pops into my head... 'I never said it would be easy...But i said it would be worth it'...There is a reason...i know it!!!

2009-08-30T20:04:00.000-07:00

This is me now. It feels weird not being pregnant, i catch myself with my hand on my stomach out of habit... Im glad i dont have a left over tummy cause that would just make things worse.

2009-08-30T19:53:00.000-07:00

We are at Cadillac Ranch in TX! This was the only thing Tim said that we HAD to do on the drive home! It was fun to spray paint...Its crazy to think some farmer long ago decided to stick 8 cars into the ground...Only a man would think to do something like this...

2009-08-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

This is the largest cross in the world...so the sign said...Tim is saying a quick prayer

2009-08-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

Outside the Grand Ole Opry House in Nashville TN. It was soo fun to hang out in Nashville so many fun things to do...the people are so nice and i love how they talk...I love Tennessee, its so beautiful, i would love to live there.

It feels like a bad dream that i cant wake up from...

2009-08-19T20:49:00.000-07:00

On Sunday morning 8/2/09 i woke up feeling normal, i went to church and came home. During church i kept feeling like i had to go #2 the entire time, when i got home i went to the bathroom and when i pushed my water broke. My sister Camilla was living with me she called the ambulance. They took me to Mercy Gilbert hospital (my sister mom & dad met me there) in triage the doctor told me that i was dilated to a 10 & baby A's sack had been ruptured and i was going to deliver both the babies within 15 mins and they would both be born alive and i would hold both, but both would pass away within 1 hour. The only thing i could think about was that i was going to have to go through this entire process alone, without my husband, I felt so alone and helpless. When they took me to labor and delivery another doctor came in and checked me and said that i was only at a 2! I was soo happy and this was the 1st time i had hope that i might not loose both my babies. Tim flu in the next morning, on the first flight out from North Carolina. Over the next 4 days i had lots of blood work, ultrasounds & the babies heart was monitored all several times daily. Both the heart beats were strong even though baby A's sack had basically no fluid in it, the doctors told me that there was a chance that the sack could seal its self and the fluid would fill back up, they also said that some babies can live without a full sack of fluid...everything was an 'if'. Everything leaned on if i would develop an infection...& if so they would induce me. On 8/6/09 i woke up with some contractions...but today i was finally 20 weeks pregnant and could finally be excepted by PPA (its a high risk group of doctors) and since Mercy Gilbert told me daily that there was nothing they could do to stop the contractions and that i had to let nature take its course i was more then ready to be discharged. We went to PPA in Mesa and while at the doctors office (with no meds) i went into labor with my son and delivered right on the chair where you would get your Pap done. My Mom and Tim were at my side. While i was delivering the doc called an ambulance and as soon as i delivered i was able to hold my son for less then 5 mins and we where takin away in separate ambulances' to Banner Desert. That was the last time i saw my son alive. He was 10 ounces & 9 inches long, tiny, but with perfect, little everything.
When i arrived at Banner Desert everything was then pushed into high gear to save baby B since her sack was still perfect. She needed to stay in me until week 24 (at that point she can be delivered and had a chance at life). They put me on magnesium (its a major muscle re-laxer ) i couldnt move my body at all, it makes you feel paralyzed, it makes you have hot & cold flashes & you cant see because your eyes are so relaxed, i honestly felt like i was going to die. They would also give my about 5-6 shots daily of terbutaline, all to stop the contractions & keep baby B inside for as long as possible. Over the next couple days i showed positive signs of no infection and was given hope daily that i might be able to save my daughter. On 8/8/09 i was given a spinal and went in to surgery get my cervix sewed up and would hopefully remain on bed rest as long as possible without getting an infection. On 8/9/09 i woke up in the morning having a hard time breathing, i was consciously having to think about every breath, i started shaking uncontrollably and was all the sudden freezing, this went on for several hours then at one point about 5 doctors and several nurses came in and kept looking at my finger nails (i guess they had turned blue) they explained to me that i had developed ARDS (my lungs had fluid in them) & i had developed an infection and i had to be induced, now. As i was run to the ICU the lung doctor had pulled Tim and my mom and dad aside and advised them what he didnt tell me about ARDS. He advised them that i had a 50/50 chance of survival. During this time i was in the ICU and they got me stabilized and started the induction process. They gave me an epidural so that it would help clam down my shaking and breathing so that i could deliver without passing out. My Mom and Tim were in the room when i delivered my daughter. She was 11 ounces 10 inches. After almost 10 days in the hospital without one second to think about what was actually happening to me i finally got to hold my perfect daughter in my arms. Her heart was beating & she could wrap her long little fingers around my finger and squeeze. It was amazing, i could finally hold my baby girl. Since i could hardly breath on my own i knew that if i broke down and cried the way i wanted to that the nurse would have to take her away from me and stabilize me again, so i had to hold my little girl with no tears. We watched her heart beat for a little over an hour. We held her, i looked at every inch of her body and tried to memorize everything about her warm body. She was so perfect. She had every feature needed, she had my lips and nose. Her shoulders legs feet and hands were Tim's. She didnt cry, open her eyes, or even move much at all...Tim and i just held her close.
Daily my lungs started to clear up and showed less and less fluid & the infection was going away. It was the hardest being in the hospital for just my health knowing that even if i am tuff and stick it out i am still going home empty handed.
I felt like if i wrote about what happened it will make me feel just that little bit better and i wont have to explain everything to everyone. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts.

Eve is in the hospital with Tim at her side.

2009-08-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

This is Tim currently blogging for Eve while she is lying in her hospital bed.For those of you who don't know Eve's water broke on Sunday after church.This is not good news because she is only nineteen weeks four days.Baby A's sack (Titus the boy)has burst.The baby has to have this sack to develop his or her lungs. Well she is to early to go into preterm labor but once the sack burst it is making her go into labor she is having contractions and is dilated to a two.So this is a waiting game.The baby has lost his fluid but still has a strong heart beat.We are waiting to see if there will be an infection due to the leaking.Baby b (Blake) is fine.But the infection will affect her.This means there is a high possibility that we will loose both babies.We are trying to make it to twenty four weeks without an infection also trying to avoid going into full labor.The odds are all against us but all we can do is wait and pray.This is by far the hardest thing we have ever had to go through,so keep us in your prayers.We will keep you updated as we can not call everyone back.Thanks for the prayers and support Love Tim and Eve.

We aRe haVinG...

2009-07-27T17:40:00.001-07:00

Today Tim and I went to find out what we are having!! &... we are having 1 BOY & 1 GIRL!! Yeah, tell me about it! Could this pregnancy get any better! Goodness! lol, so i was totally balling...of course. It was soooo nice to actually have my husband to hold my hand and to have him at the ultrasound to ask questions instead of just me. I will blog about that later tho...lol. So after the ultrasound and calling everyone i knew...we headed out to Babies R US..and a couple other baby stores in the mall! It was crazy cause i didnt have to limit myself just to the pink stuff...i could totally do Blue too! We have had the names picked out for a while...Our baby boy will be named Titus (we are working on a middle name) & our baby girl will be named Blake Serene (Serene is my middle name)!! I can NOT wait to meet these two little ones! HUH!! I cant stop smiling! :-)!

Blake (baby B)

2009-07-27T17:34:00.000-07:00

Titus (baby A) & Blake (baby B)

2009-07-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

Titus (baby A) & Blake (baby B)

2009-07-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

Lets just face it... i love taking pregnant pictures!! I feel so cute... lol :) 18 wks prego

2009-07-23T22:28:00.000-07:00

American Idol concert!!!

2009-07-23T19:52:00.001-07:00

On Monday night my super thoughtful sister Camilla (& roommate) invited me to go to the American Idol concert!! It was a total blast! I LOVE Kris Allen...Hello who doesnt!? He is so hot and does the cutest 'side mouth' thing when he sings (if you love him them you know what im talking about!)... Also its so cute cause he is married to his high school lover and they have been together forever. It was fun to hang out with my sister and get out of the house! Since ive been married i dont do to many girls nights but since Tim has been gone its been really fun.

Timmy is coming home on Saturday @ 330pm!! I am counting down the hours. I cant wait to see you babe!!!!! Happy early 23rd birthday Timmy!!!

When nothing else mattered to us except being together! Wedding pics 8-20-05

2009-07-12T20:41:00.000-07:00

I cant believe how young we look in these wedding pictures...of course i didnt feel like i looked that young when i got married...haha...Its fun to look back and remember that wonderful day!!
When i pulled out these pictures i didnt realize how much we have changed over the past 4 years. When we got married not a lot of people where on our side...so with little help, we had to put the wedding together ourselves. At 18 & 19 yrs old we bought everything to decorate and to make a wedding happen, my dress, food, invitations...yeah everything...It really made us grow up fast.I know that Tim wasnt the standard by the book perfect return missionary that i was suppose to marry but he is what is perfect to me & for me.
Being married to a convert has really made me realize what i took for granted growing up in the church...our families life styles, how we were raised so differently...to look back and see how easily Tim excepted the church and has learned to live and love it...What a great example to stop and change everything in your life...What a blessing to know that Heavenly father & Tim decided to be that example to his family and friends long long ago. I cant imagine being with anyone else except Tim, i can truly say he is my best friend. Since we have spent the last couple months apart its made me realize how much we really do need each other. Love you Timmy!!!

More wedding pics 8/20/05

2009-07-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

Wedding pics 8/20/05

2009-07-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, bye bye!!! - Wes!!!!

2009-07-07T19:16:00.000-07:00

OMG, I hate Wes! I am so glad that Jillian finally saw his true reasons for being there! I have hated that them from the beginning! Jillian needs to undo the stupid decision of kicking off Jake and bring him back!!!! Watch that’s going to be the surprise for next week… I think that since last season with Jason they had all that dumb drama…now every season here on out they are going to have to either bring someone back or have some dramatic thing happen to keep people watching! I hate that! Just keep it real!
So lets discuss the two men I am in love with… Yes two. Kiptyn and Reid! Before last night I was ALL for kiptyn (ever since Jake was kicked off) but after seeing how cute Reid and Jillian were together I really like them as a couple!? Im SO torn! Kiptyn has an amazing body and just seems like he would make a great hubby. But Reid brings all of that (except the amazing body part…) and he adds his cute personality and sarcasm, they are always laughing…its so cute…
GO BACK TO WORK Ed!! That’s what he needs to do. He is not cute… ya ya he has a good personality (I guess) but Jillian needs the whole package!! Plus he is just kinda weird, I just don’t see them making cute babies… haha-I love this show!

My 4th of July!!

2009-07-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

This was the first 4th of July in over 6 years that i havent spent with Tim, so that was kinda hard but the next best thing is hangin out with family!! I drove down to Phx and met up with my sister in-law Tisha and her husband Johnny, we went over to Johnny's parents house and had a bbq and did some swimming. Johnny's mom Candie took some cute pictures! So...all you ladies know what i am talking about... you know when you look down at your tummy (when you're standing up) it looks flat or smaller then when you look from the side?!! Yeah so this whole time i really havent taken many pictures of my tummy cause i didnt think it was to that 'pregnant stage' yet...maybe i just looked like i was eating too much! Well i was wrong! When i looked at these pics i couldnt believe how much my tummy has grown and how big it really is! I love it even more now! I am 15 wks pregnant and counting :)
Later that night we drove out and watched the fire works and honestly i do love fire works but i think its WAY better when you're a kid, or maybe thats just me...or maybe its cause im going where the fire work show sucks...lol... All i could think about while watching the show was what next year will be like with my twins and husband watching the fire works for the first time! I cant wait! I think that life in general will just be more exciting...since ive known Tim for so long you get to a point where you just know what he's thinking or going to do next...With these two new people in my life i wont know them at all and it will be so fun to live a whole new life with them :)... HAPPY 4TH!!

15 wks prego

2009-07-05T11:06:00.000-07:00

4th of July prego pics with my sister in-law Tisha!!!

2009-07-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

My two babies Jayden and Jake

2009-06-27T22:59:00.000-07:00

Double Trouble

2009-06-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

So since its finally (almost) sunk in that im going to have two babies and i need double everything... I probably should start looking around at double the stuff... Today for the first time (im sure out of many to come...) i went to Babies R Us with some friends. I cant bring myself to buy anything...YET!! We find out what im having on 7/27 @ 8am! Soooo at 9am i will probably be at Babies R Us shoppin! Im hoping for 2 boys or one of each...i really dont want two girls... i have 5 sisters and i cant imagine raising two girls the same age, same grade, same everything...DRAMA! No thanks! But of course let me just add that im thankful for whatever healthy babies i get :) Anyways back to the reason why i even am writing this post... I have been looking for a front to back double stroller that i can put two infant car seats in then when the babies get old enough i can use the stroller for toddlers... Ive only been able to find one and its soo ugly! If anyone can HELP! Or knows anyone that has twins or knows someone that has twins...anything will help me out!!!!

My twins at 10 wks

2009-06-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

Just found out i was pregnant with TWINS at 5wks!

2009-06-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

Everything Happens for a Reason!!

2009-06-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

My hubby and I have been married for 4 yrs in Aug (feels like soo much shorter for some odd reason)... Out of those 4 yrs, 2 of them we have been trying to make a baby!! We tried getting prego the 'normal' way...lots of sex!! Scheduled sex and every position I could read about that might up our chances... Well none of that paid off! After getting to the point that i almost hated seeing anyone that was pregnant or forcing a smile on my face when a friend told me they where pregnant... We decided to try doing fertility treatments... We went to Advanced Fertility Care, several of my friends had gone to that office and all got pregnant. Let me just add that we did all the testing, and there is NOTHING wrong with Tim or I!! Yup, crazy. First we did Clomid pills and that didn’t work. Then we did Artificial Insemination...That is when they take Tim's swimmers and sort out the healthy ones and place those inside me, they gave me one shot, did blood tests and i was on several pills, that didn’t work either! At this point we are just drained from getting our hopes up twice and being let down twice... and having to tell family and friends the bad news and having everyone once again feel bad for Eve... So without telling hardly anyone we did the 'last resort' type of fertility... Invitro (IVF). This is what people that are older and cant get pregnant use, or if you have a lot of problems then you normally would do IVF... The ONLY reason why we where able to do IVF at the time is because my insurance paid for most of it!! Yup...I was shocked! But it would normally cost anywhere from 10-20k, and we for sure don’t have that kinda cash!! So we started the IVF process, it was exciting and very scary. Daily i had to give myself 2-3 injections in my tummy and lower back, i took a lot of pills and i had to get my blood drawn like every 3-5 days. Its a 45 day process so i wont write about every step... but we ended up with 8 embryos (fertilized eggs)... after removing them from me, they where kept in an incubator and watched for 5 days... on the 5th day only 2 embryos had survived and where good quality. After LOTS of praying & crying we felt it was right to place both embryos in me. I was put under while they implanted the two in me... and we had to wait 2 weeks and go into the doctor’s office for a blood pregnancy test... Honestly those two weeks where hell compared to the injections and all the drama up to that point, waiting was the worst!! But Heavenly Father Knows what he's doing and i really do believe Everything Happens for a Reason!! I WAS PREGNANT!! Two weeks later i went to my first ultrasounds at 5 wks and found out that i was sent double the blessings... IM HAVING TWINS! Life is good :)